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She had a knack for picking the broken ones, and then had the audacity to wonder what happened when the affair blew up. If she was attracted to a man, he was irreparably unavailable somehow. She had a never-ending need for validation and reassurance and a penchant for seeking her self-worth in men. Bad boys, preferably. Then she could be the "good girl" in comparison, something she had never exactly been accused of. Her intimate relationships were a disaster. Always a disaster. 

True to form, her relationship with him was no different. To say it was complicated was an understatement. Even in her impenetrable wall of denial, even she could see that. She needed him like an alcoholic needs their next drink. It was anything but healthy.

If her affair had only lived up to the fantasies in her head, she'd be happy.  Reality and weighing risks were not exactly her strengths. He was a doctor, she was a nurse. He had kids and was divorced, so was she. On the surface it seemed logical and simple. It was anything but, for reasons she chose to ignore.  They lived in a suffocating small town where gossip was the favorite pastime.  He was currently going through an ugly fight for custody of his children. And then there was the reason for his divorce, his mistress, who lived in the same small town.  An emotional, logistical, and social nightmare--her specialty.  All of the warning signs of a relationship that would not end well were there.  Evident to everyone but her. 

She watched as he drove away and drew a ragged breath.  Yes, he was always hard to read, and getting anything out of him about what was going on in that head of his was like pulling teeth, but something was very wrong.  She could feel it.  He seemed heavy, sad, and distracted.  Weird. 

The summer's events had taken their toll.  She just wished there was something she could do.  A messy divorce complete with a messier custody battle would test anyone's wits.

He was leaving town and there was nothing to do for him but worry.  Where was he going?  What was bothering him?  Why was he being so secretive about it?  Questions that were eating at her and if she knew him at all, questions she figured would go unanswered. 

You're being ridiculous, she told herself.  Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. 

Distraction, she could use one right about now.  There was a knot in her chest and a gnawing at her gut.  She knew just what to do to silence them.  What she always did--get wasted.  It was the Fourth, after all.  A holiday, she didn't have to work, her friends were off, the perfect excuse to get knee-walking drunk.  Not that she ever needed a reason.

All of her internal bells and whistles were sounding loudly.  She had no idea how right they would prove to be.