Lessons

My hubby just informed me that I need a sitter for Sunday night for about two hours.  Our anniversary is Sunday and apparently, we're going out.  With it upon us, I started thinking about things I've learned over the last year. 

1.  Twisting an ankle and falling in the Seattle airport is not a great way to start your honeymoon.  Subsequently sobbing through the lifeboat drill as you're about to embark on your fabulous Alaskan cruise ain't so peachy either.  (Loudly sobbing.  You would have thought someone just died).  For the rest of our voyage I would inevitably hear someone say, "Wasn't that the girl . . . . " as I passed them.  Not to mention this little episode caused my husband to seriously reconsider his life choices.

2.  Being on the opposite seaboard from my children for a week is not an option.  Next time, they'll have to come with.  By day three I was constantly pointing out things they would love about what we were doing and getting ultra-paranoid about "what if something happens".

3.  I come from a remarkable family.  My husband's is pretty fantastic as well.  I am amazed at how much moral support we received and continue to get from both.  My girlfriends rock too.

4.  My parents are getting too old to be trusted to go to the doctor by themselves.  Clusterf*#k if I ever did see one. 

5.  Raising teenagers is not for the faint of heart.  Whew!  I have been thrilled and contemplated boarding school within hours of one another.  The good news is, neither Morgan or Chuck are as bad as I was.  I can do an entire post on this statement alone.  Ohmygoodness . . . .

6.  Babies come when they are good and damn ready.  Walking, Texas Pete, sex, and all of that other crap did not work for me.  I tried all of them.  Several times.  He wasn't budging.

7.  My eleven-pound Pekingese can put any doula or midwife to shame.  She was by my side at every moment, eager to please.  Although she has yet to forgive me for bringing "the thing" home with me six months ago.

8.  I am old.  My body, emotions, nor mental state is what they were when I had my first two children.  I was ill-prepared for the roller coaster that is childbirth and the postpartum period.  Bat.  Shit.  Crazy.  Apparently, pregnancy hormones morph me in to a scathing bitch.  I'm still workin' on my excuse for that currently, as I can no longer blame my body chemistry.  Dammitall.

9.  The incoherent babble that comes out of my mouth when communicating with babies or animals is inexplicable.  If someone overheard my "conversations" with Riley, they would think I was an escaped mental patient.  I call my son "Skinky", who the hell comes up with stuff like that?

10.  Too much of my identity is wrapped up in my career.  I miss certain aspects of my job terribly.  Being unemployed is something I am still having to become accustomed to, and it's been well over a year.

11.  Every time I think we are well on our way to getting ahead or having a little nest egg squirreled away, something inevitably happens.  Our savings account balance being above a certain amount is a sure-fire way to invite disaster of some sort. 

12.  Giving a teenager a driver's license and some keys to a car changes their personality.  True story.

13.  I did not marry the only brainless man on the planet (sorry, honey).  They are all effin' clueless about certain things.  The things I think he "should know" because they are BLATANTLY OBVIOUS often require pen and paper for me to spell them out for him.  Turns out "penis" and "forethought" don't exactly go together.  Sheesh.  But . . . .

14.  My husband is teachable and has come a looooong way in the last six months.  Just this morning he decided to work from home today so I could sleep late (Riley is discovering new and exciting things that just have to be done at 2 a.m.).  Uh-huh.  A long way.   Housework?  Yup, he does that.  Errands, groceries, you name it.  All without me having to break out the notebook and Sharpie.  Yippee!

15.  Babies have the ability to turn the most reserved people in to babbling idiots . . . it's amazing to watch.

16.  Having an MBA does not guarantee one a lucrative job in this economy.  I really thought I was going to have to be institutionalized during John's job search last Fall.

17.  Asking one's spouse to join you at a family function at the 'rents' while the Reds are fighting to clench the title in their division is not going to get a favorable response.  Ever. 

18.  Motherhood is by far the most challenging and yet the most emotionally fulfilling job I have ever had.  It's also the most thankless . . .

19.  When caring for an infant, "me-time" isn't optional, it's mandatory.  For real.

20.  My sister and I excel at bein' band whores and throw kick-ass house concerts.  Just sayin'.

21.  Do not make statements such as "I'll never (insert sanctimonious statement here)".  I think about that every time I get in to our minivan that we swore we would never own.  (I LOVE that van.  LOVE IT!).

22.  True friends are hard to come by, so cherish them.  You know, the I've-got-your-back-no-matter-what friends?  The others seem to scatter to the four winds when the goin' gets tough.

23.  Fatherhood makes my husband more attractive. I can't really explain this one, as it defies logic.

24.  As much as we have been through in the last year, the wedding, job searches, teenage drama, pregnancy, childbirth, etc. I still could not imagine my life without John. 

Here's to many more life lessons . . . . as long as we can learn them together, I think we'll be just fine.