Summertime Blahs

I loathe summer.  I always have, save for when I was younger and was out of school.  I don't do heat.  This summer has been especially dreadful because Riley's too young to wear sunscreen, so my usual summertime beat-the-heat outdoor activities are out.  Which is a shame because he LOVES to be outside.  Of course, when it's hotter than a Georgia whore in a pepper patch, I prefer my AC, thanks.  Any time I break in to a rolling sweat by walkin' from the house to the garage, it's too damn hot outside.  Which leaves me indoors to entertain my five-month-old.

Thus, Riley and I read a lot of children's books.  Daily.  He loves to be read to--which I am grateful for.  We had a collection of about eight books until very recently.  Before that, I was reading him interesting NPR articles.  I am a nerd.  I know. 

My in-laws saved everything from John's childhood.  Every.  Effin.  Thing.  Whew!  (And I wonder where his propensity for hoarding comes from . . . duh!).  So, Riley inherited a slew of books.  The most current copyright on any we've read thus far is 1960-something.  And I am thankful for them, 'cause there's only so many times I can read "Duckie Duck" without ad-libbing some inappropriate dialogue to preserve my sanity. 

We were reading a few days ago and stumbled across a tale of Mother Goat and her seven churen.  She leaves the house and gives the little ones specific instructions not to answer the door--there is a wolf lurking about.  Eventually, the wolf makes his way in to the house (because the kids let him in) and EATS all of her churen except one.  I am reading this to Riley and thinking, "What a horrible story!". Granted, he can't actually comprehend what's being read.  Thank God, 'cause he would probably have nightmares about Mother Goat CUTTING the wolf's belly open to retrieve her EATEN churen.  What the hell kind of children's book is this?  Sheesh.  What's the message?  Always listen to your mother lest you be eaten by a ravenous wolf?   Instill fear, above all else, in your children.  Now that's nice.  Has anyone else heard of this bullshit book? 

Apparently, this is a popular Grimms' Fairy Tale.  Seriously, a fairy tale?  I don't know about you, but I sort of think princesses and castles when I think about fairy tales.  Not scorned goats who are handy with some scissors (really, she used scissors).  Were they effin' high when they wrote it?  I never read this as a child, thank God.  I think I would have been irreparably scarred.

And then there's children's shows.  Yes, I am one of those mothers who will buy a few minutes of the welcome distraction of sing-songy voices and bright colors that is the kids' television network.  Sue me. 

My husband hates all of these shows.  There was one on just this morning wherein a character sulks because he is "out" of musical chairs.  Twice.  John says, "He sucks.  Who the hell loses at musical chairs?  Twice?".  I eventually join in by shouting at the television, "Put your game face on! Go hard or go home!" (I am sooo ready for some football).  John's overall problem is that these shows are all no-compete.  Everyone wins.  He thinks this is ludicrous.  Anyway, the gaggle of children in the show decide to play a different game.  One where there are no losers.  John continues, "Oh that's nice, what the hell kind of message is that to today's kids?".  There's more ranting about "liberal agendas" and  sarcastic banter such as, "Yay!  Everyone's a winner!" and other such nonsense. 

I will be glad when Fall brings cooler temperatures, football, and some of my favorite outdoor activities.  Maybe then I can to something to entertain my child besides read psycho books (I mean who edited these things, Hitchcock?) and dissect kids' shows.   

It can't get here soon enough . . . .